Dating and Courtship

By Luis Palau

On the way to a class party one day, I noticed several girls. "Are you going to the party?" I asked. They all said yes, and for some reason I asked one of them, "Can I walk you over?"

She said, "Sure." It was no big deal. We weren’t even together at the party, but I started becoming interested in this young woman. Pat was fun and talkative. She seemed mature and intelligent, she knew how to dress well, and in conversation I discovered she was spiritually sensitive.

I don’t know what Pat thought of me at first - she still won’t tell me - but I began looking for her on campus. In fact, my window overlooked a walkway to the cafeteria, and I watched for her every morning and then "just happened" to pop out the door when she came by.

I had never studied much in the library before, but when I found out Pat usually did her homework there, that’s where I could be found too. I kept one eye on my book and the other on her. Pat finally caught on that I was interested in her, and we saw a lot of each other. At first there was nothing serious between us, but I certainly hoped there would be!

I’ll be the first to admit I made mistakes while I dated and courted Pat. But let me share some key words with you from my experience that will help you (or your unmarried children) to develop a quality relationship with someone of the opposite sex.

The first word is courtesy. Courtesy is a sign of genuine love. By love I don’t mean matrimonial love, but the type of love that comes from God. In 1 Corinthians 13:5 we read that love is not rude or self-seeking. Instead, love gives to the other person without planning to get something else in return.

Someone has said, "Good habits are made of little sacrifices." I like that. The habit of courtesy consists of little and insignificant sacrifices that show our interest in the other person. Discover what your special friend enjoys. Does she like flowers? Surprise her with a small bouquet of her favorite. Show thoughtfulness and respect as you spend time together getting to know each other.

Another important word to remember is conversation. Paul tells us in Colossians 4:6, "Let your conversation be always full of grace." Nothing is better for a good friendship than positive and uplifting talks. I still remember the many discussions Pat and I enjoyed the year before we were married.

Often relationships between a man and a woman focus – even depend - on showing physical affection. But as Solomon wrote, there is a time to embrace, and a time to refrain (Ecclesiastes 3:5). As God’s servants, focus instead on learning more about each other’s interests, families, friends, dreams, priorities, and walk with the Lord. Ask lots of questions - and listen! The best conversation is the one you initiate with questions.